3 cups of probation
2 lb. of investigations
1 ounce of gambling
1 tsp. of academic fraud
a smidge of point shaving scandals
1 clove of racial discrimination
4 qt. of lack of institutional controls
3 slices of impermissible gifts
1 boiled, greedy commissioner
Put all ingredients in a big pot, stir, and allow to simmer for ten years. Then repeat process.
Serves 14.